Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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