Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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