Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
