I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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