My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
