I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
