apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
