I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
