I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
