your parents love me but you hate me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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