As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
