I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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