This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
