My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He better not be in your backpack
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
