That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Barsexuality is the new black.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
