HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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