Sry I called you an 8
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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