Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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