Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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