epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
