He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
