You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
