I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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