I feel like abortions should bother me more
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
