I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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