the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I deserve this hangover.
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