I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
