I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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