My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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