Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
