please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
