I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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