Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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