I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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