I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
