She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
