I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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