i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
