Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
