I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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