Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
