It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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