Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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