Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
