So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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