I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She bit a glass in half.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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