sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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