It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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