How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
