What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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