I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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