Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
