I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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