I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
