I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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