There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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