So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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